Mr. Family Guy

      I have been on my fair share of dates in past three years since my last long term relationship bust which lead me to chocolate ice cream and fantasies during slow days at my day job of black men without white tees. So I finally open my eyes to new beginnings. I started to accept the invitations to dinners and movies from random sweet smiling faces of men in their twenties and thirties. Mr. Family Guy, was unfortunately one of them. I met him off a chatline and after a week of determining he was not crazy or a convict I finally gave into a blind date with him. I enjoyed conversations about his children, divorce, and passion for romantic comedies.

     I decided to meet him at a public place and go from there. I of course had his number programed in a fellow close friend's phone for safety reasons, and told them I would text them S.O.S if I needed them to rescue me

Mr. Tree

     Being single sometimes is the best gift God can ever give a woman whose educated, lives alone, and has no children, but it's not all foot massages and back rubs when you meet men in disgusie as creeps. Mr. Tree was a friend of mine when I worked as office assistant and at starbucks during the summer. We kept bumping into each other and after three times of running into him in the break room, I finally said hello. He was a 6'3, dark mocha brother, with thin frame glasses, and a smile that could stop traffic. I liked our little chit chats but I was unable to ever accept his advances because we worked in the same building, and I was taken.

    But after running back into him a year later and recently single, I decided to take him up on his offer. We met up later that same day at a nice mexican restaurant which I suggested. As soon as we got there I discovered how  much cologone he had bathed in. It smelled like axe and old spice but I didn't want to be rude so I smiled and asked him how he came to greensboro. He replied with his family grew up here and lived with his ex for a while before she abruptly moved to California. He then ask me what was a dish on the menu like and I never ate the dish before so my reply was I don't know. His reply was "YOU ATE HERE SO YOU SHOULD KNOW".  I just smiled. I had no idea where his attitude came from but he had one, all night long. Next, he ask me about my family. He asked how tall my brothers were and I said only one was a little over 6'0. His reply was "WOW YOU'RE BROTHERS ARE VERY SHORT".  Again, I smiled. Next we finally ate and as I ate two tacos and bean dip he stated "WOW NO WONDER YOU'VE GAIN WEIGHT SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE SEEN YOU, YOU CAN REALLY PUT FOOD AWAY".  Again, I just smiled.

   When he took me home, I waited until the engine was off before telling him that this was the worst date I had ever been on in my life and to never call me again.  He asked why and I explained  what he stated to me about my family and weight was insulting. His reply was you're too sensitive. I got out of the car. He called me five times after that until I finally threatened him with a restrainting order.  He stopped calling.This date was one of my top worst of dates but trust me I have more to tell. XoXo Ms. English

The Ms. English Chronicles

      To say I had a horrible dating life is an understatement of the century. I have been called almost every name in the book by men in my life who I thought were as sweet as fat kids in a candy store. Yet, as the date commence,e I was sadly mistaken when Satan left the damn table. So what better way to get over it then to blog about it and have a heated and fun laugh. Please stay tune for the stories of countless dates and past loves over a two year period. It will be anything but a old hag ranting but a mix between Zane and Dickey with a hint of tigeress seduction. I am happy to finally share with you the precious stories from my up and down dating lifestyle. I hope you find it an epic read. xoxo Ms. English